they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
