Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need water and some morals
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
