I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
