His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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