Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
