we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
