I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
