About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
