this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
