Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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