I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
