:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
