I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
we're so committed to being not committed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
