hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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