Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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