please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
