Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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