Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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