dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
