no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
