Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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