i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
