ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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