i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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