You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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