Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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