Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
