i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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