Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
