I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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