At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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