when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
