Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
