You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
