He had one of those small greek statue penises
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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