Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
