I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
