genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
