i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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