Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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