I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
