return my video game
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
