College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
