I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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