we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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