Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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