I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
