I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
