She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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