weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
