kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
