So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
