i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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